Monday, February 23, 2009

Or, "yet will I argue with Him".

I claim no religion as my own, yet I know in my heart that our Creator accepts the children of all religions; and so must I.
In the Barefoot Jewess I found much wisdom.
Here is one example of many. Indeed she is one of the good heart people, that you will find all over the world, no matter what religion or state of being they subscribe to. I like Barefoot, I hope that she will keep on posting her inspirations. As soon as I post this I'm going back to read more.

Barefoot Jewess
Reporting On God. Wading Through A Sea of Jews



Though he slay me, yet will I trust in Him (Job 13:15)

Him? "Him"?

No, there is no "him". I don't remotely believe or experience G-d to be separate from me- G-d suffuses everything. Everything is G-d. The pain, the blood, the joy, the delight. There is no question in my mind.

As for Job, who can stand here and say their story is akin to his? That notion is rather daunting and humbling. Perhaps it's just that we can relate. We may not be so extravagantly prosperous, but maybe we've known extravagant happiness and blessing and suddenly it is all snatched away, in ways we never imagined. Job's story is related so compassionately.

In that tale, the Satan, G-d's familiar, is directed to afflict the soul in whom G-d has tremendous confidence. We see Job as a man who mindlessly clings to ritual and doing all the right things that he thinks have brought him the great rewards of prosperity. Well, I am not sure how many of us can relate to that part. In fact, I think it is G-d's confidence in Job's core soul that allows Him to risk such material and emotional devastation on Job's life, even though Job simplistically believes right acts lead to reward.

It turns out that shaking a fist at G-d and standing his ground is Job's real style, his core nature and soul. In the face of everything, he finally declares: Though he slay me, yet will I trust in Him. Or, "yet will I argue with Him".

I've observed G-d for quite some time, now. And rarely really reported on the phenomenon. I read Psalms and discover a pattern: that the Psalmists are always experiencing G-d and/or trying to get back to G-d and the experience. I discover another pattern in Shaharit, the morning service, that addresses an awesome encounter, a description of that encounter, and the desire to remain within that experience; and having had that encounter, to live in hope of it and of G-d's grace and favour, to be suffused with that supernal light which is hoped for, wished for, craved, longed for, and which you can't buy, bargain for or will. It's all about returning to G-d. Over and over again.

Sometimes, I feel as if I'm on a treadmill. The "getting back to G-d" treadmill. Crap happens. I turn to G-d. Crap happens again and I turn to G-d. Even when I think I'm being faithful, doing the right things, crap happens and I'm back to square one. Or lately, back to ground zero. I have to ask myself at some point, is this that damned Buddhist wheel of suffering? Am I not getting it? Am I not understanding?

And then Tisha B'Av comes along. I remember, once, reading Eicha, The Book of Lamentations, and fasting, all by my lonesome and being struck by the thought of there being no G-d, no cosmic meaning in my life. As I've mentioned before, the realisation filled me with utter terror, as if I were torn away...violently rent from the source of Everything.

Ask me if I am not relieved to have Tisha B'Av descend upon us this Saturday night? I may feel as if I'm on a treadmill, but it somehow brings relief, becomes a touchstone. I have so much to howl at this year, and Lamentations is as ground zero as you can get. I will grasp at any holy verses that capture the essence of our tender, vertiginous lives and the nightmares that petrify our dreams. They are as real as all the hope and glory, and they are as much sanctified.

No one can answer why bad things happen to good (or innocuous) people. Any answers I have ever read have always created a limited god, a god of our projection, a god of our personal understanding, touted as the god. No. There is only mystery, and perhaps a spark of great unfathomable love, if we are lucky. A love that encompasses the good and the bad, because, in the end, it is all good.

Feh. In my raging pain it remains cold comfort; I want my friend back as she was, I want some shred of remembered happiness with no cruel unabiding centre.

Still, Though he slay me, yet will I trust in Him (Job 13:15)

Go figure.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.

It doesn't matter whether a Jew or Christian. It doesn't matter.

Let us pray to the Lord and seek passage to a greater being. To know one which is not filled with jealosy or pride.

As it was before, it shall ever be..amen.

Walt said...

What is heaven? If all things are of the Great Spirit. Then we are in Him, and He is in us. If we could see with the eyes of the spirit, we would find that Heaven is all around us. Keep your religions if you must, but give your heart to the Lord of creation.

Yes, meditation is good for the soul,and your health also. Remember when you pray, always acknowledge and talk to the Big Guy with an open heart, like He was more dear than your own Father, or Mother.

"Matthew 6:7 goes on to say, “And when you pray, do not use vain repetitions as the heathen do. For they think that they will be heard for their many words.” In prayer, we are to pour out our hearts to God (Philippians 4:6-7), not simply recite memorized words to God." See, even the Christians must agree with me.

Adriana said...

Such an wonderful post.....I too believe in all human beings to be the children of GOD....there is no difference in caste, color...or any other distinctions that we humans have made.

Keep posting such inspirational post....

Adriana

Walt said...

Bless you Adriana, your blog will do just fine. With your compassion and God's love, it shall flourish like the beautiful gardens of babylon.

It seems that when I embraced this anointed daughter of Zion, I lost three of my followers. The world may turn away, and even if it does, it matters not to me. For I see God's greatest of treasures springing forth like a great fountain,
His children of light!

Igakely said...

Hi Walter,

I agreed with you
When are in God who is goodness, we lives as He is and the heaven is in us !

Bye

Robin Easton said...

Dear Walter, I did not know that you also do not follow any religion. I knew that you -- like me -- believed in a "G-d", the Great Spirit, the Creator, the (whatever name we each choose to give it). I am the same I do not follow any religion and yet I believe in a devine presence and I believe ALL is heaven. As you say we are the creator and the creator is us and heaven is all around us.

I love these honest beautiful posts you are doing. I feel all these things you speak of, but you lay them out so clearlyl and with compassion for all people.

I loved this paragraph of yours:

"No one can answer why bad things happen to good (or innocuous) people. Any answers I have ever read have always created a limited god, a god of our projection, a god of our personal understanding, touted as the god. No. There is only mystery, and perhaps a spark of great unfathomable love, if we are lucky. A love that encompasses the good and the bad, because, in the end, it is all good."

YES!!! It is ALL Love.

Did you even read these words of Deepak Chopra?

"Is there some mystical reason why an innocent person becomes the target of evil? Of course not. People who talk about the karma of innocent victims, as if some hidden state is bringing down a reign of destruction, are speaking from ignorance. When an entire society engages in mass evil, outer chaos reflects inner turmoil. The shadow has erupted on a mass scale. When this happens innocent victims are caught in the storm; not because they have some hidden karma but because the storm is so overwhelming that it engulfs everyone." ~ Deepak Chopra

I posted this on one of my very first blog posts, titled, "Karma and Compassion": http://nakedineden.com/nakedinedenblog/?p=17

I do not believe in Karma. Not in the way that most people do. I do not believe in a Universe that keeps score, because in the Universe is already in balance and it just up to us to find our way back home, or to align ourselves with that balance. OR better yet, to realize that we ALREADY ARE in balance.

You are a very very wise soul Walter, amazingly wise. You have obviously done a lot of living and truth seeking in your lifetime. And my sense about you is that it didn't all come from books, because you are very free thinker. I like that immensely; it is extremely refreshing to see.

Thank you for this important post.
You are doing good work here.
Hugs,
Robin

masterwordsmith said...

Dear Walt and other readers,

What a lovely post this is! Thanks to the writer and to Walt for sharing it with us.

Thanks also to the frank and candid comments of the other commenters.

I cannot understand how you lost those followers. Alas - they see not the beauty of the truth and wisdom expressed in Barefoot Jewess' post. I hope they will come back, read it again without fear or inhibition and soak in the beauty and truth of her words.

Walt,

Your page exudes wisdom of a sage. Your words are indeed an inspiration to me as well as to your readers. Please carry on the good work you are doing here.

Thanks also for visiting and following my blogs.

Have a good day, today and always!

Me-Me King said...

Walt - this is a wonderful post - well done!

Igakely said...

Hi Walter,

yes,heaven is a world full of God's spirit which is LOVE, a heart who has a relationship with God.
So when you pray, you speak to your God, your guide, your Love, your good parents...
YOU SPEAK WITH RESPECT and TRUST ON HIM: no lies...
You begin "his chid" only, a free child !