Sunday, July 20, 2008

Standing at the Cross roads

Love, because of love; every possibility, every emotion must be must be weighed in the balance. What is best for me, no longer exist. The only thing that matters is what is best for this slick vamp that you warned me about. I have searched every corner of her heart, and found not a single cold spot. I'm not saying she did not give off that impression. For a time you even had me believing it too, but I was wrong, and so are you. Perhaps the workings of her mind is a little too complex for most folks to comprehend. She has a mind that is always on the move, with a never ending hunger for new ideas, and experiences. Thus making her seem all the more distant and aloof; When in reality she has a very warm and gracious heart. I'm 55 people!
A young woman her age is on the periphery, of what I feel is reasonable. I may still climb mountains, and run like a deer, but nothing last forever! What kind of man would I be for her in 20 years from now?
Yet deep in my heart, I know that all it would take is just one look, and she would never leave my side.
All these things, and more I have to consider, this is not a pleasant task to look atone's self in such a critical fashion. The more noble of the few options I have, are the least desirable. What is best for the one I love, is all that counts, and despite the fire and passion, of my enduring adoration.
I could deliberate over this for weeks, and the answer will always be the same. I don't have the authority to make the final decision, it takes us both, but because we think so much alike, I believe the final decision is only a formality. It is cutting me deep, perhaps it was best that she took away my freedom of speech, thus keeping me bound to the keyboard, I think the sound of me coming to life on the phone, was more than she could handle, I know all too well how my voice can heat up a woman's passion, she was only protecting herself. Alas I had no choice but to be understanding. She was so entertaining to talk with, and I really miss the sound of her voice. So this may well be my last post for a long while, as I will soon have to deal with the bitter pain of reality. I'm not a defeatist nor a martyr, I am just the best Friend and lover, that she will ever know. Sometimes the only way, is to give up the very person that you love the most. Oh I will recover, this has been a love of the mind only. She was wise enough to avoid any real physical contact with me, but I know her mind very well, and she knows me better than all of you bloggers put together.

If I could live out just one dream, I would come galloping up on my black stallion, leaping from the saddle, I would scoop up the fair damsel in my arms throwing the squirming beauty over my shoulder, jump back up on the beast, and go thundering off into the cool moonlit night. And we would live happily ever after.
Only in dreams.

No comments: